Change Is Not an Achievement—It’s a Process

When we talk about change, we often imagine a clean before-and-after moment:

“I used to struggle with this… now I don’t.”

“I made the decision, and that was that.”

“I just needed more willpower.”

But real change—the kind that lasts and reshapes your life—is rarely that tidy.

It’s not a singular achievement to check off.

It’s a process. One with curves, detours, and learning woven through every step.

Change Isn’t a Switch—It’s a Daily Practice

There may be a moment when you decide to change:

To stop drinking.

To speak up for yourself.

To commit to therapy.

To parent differently than you were raised.

To stop people-pleasing.

But the decision is only the start.

The real work is in how you show up for that decision again and again, even when it’s inconvenient, uncomfortable, or not producing the exact results you hoped for.

Progress Includes Discomfort (and That’s Okay)

It’s important to acknowledge that even positive change can bring short-term discomfort:

• Quitting a substance might trigger withdrawal or social loss.

• Ending a toxic relationship can bring loneliness.

• Setting a boundary may upset people who benefited from your silence.

Likewise, change can produce unexpected outcomes:

• You may grow in one area but notice grief in another.

• You might pursue a goal and realize the destination doesn’t feel like you thought it would.

This doesn’t mean you failed. It means you’re human—and you’re evolving.

What Anchors Us During Uncertainty? Our Values.

When the path is unclear or results feel mixed, values can be your compass.

I often share a story with clients to illustrate this:

A man on his way home from work stops to grab carry-out.

He has a choice: buy food just for himself, or spend more and bring dinner for the whole family.

If one of his values is frugality, he may decide to get just enough for himself. When he gets home, his family might be disappointed—but he can stay grounded in the intention behind his choice.

On the other hand, if his value is nourishment, he might buy enough for everyone. If his family isn’t hungry or already ate, he could feel hurt or rejected—unless he remembers his motivation wasn’t to control their reaction, but to offer care.

This story reminds us: we don’t always control the outcome—but we can control the intention.

And when our actions are aligned with our values, we can live with more integrity and peace, even when things don’t go as planned.

Letting the Path Unfold

Often in therapy, a client will ask:

“How do I know if I’m doing this right?”

My answer:

“If you’re making decisions that reflect your values, and you’re showing up for yourself with honesty and effort—that is doing it right.”

Sometimes, where we end up isn’t where we expected—but it’s where we needed to go.

Change may reroute you into a life that’s more meaningful than the one you originally imagined.

Final Thought: Keep Showing Up

There will be days you question your progress. Days it feels like you’ve taken a step back. That’s okay.

What matters most is how you show up over time.

Not the outcomes you chase, but the consistency with which you return to your values and the person you’re trying to become.

Because the truth is:

Change isn’t about reaching the finish line.

It’s about walking the path—your path—one step, one choice, one value-aligned action at a time.