The Power of Your Inner Circle: Who’s in Your Five?
There’s a saying I come back to often—especially when clients are working through major life changes:
“You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.”
At first glance, it might sound like a self-help soundbite. But think about it: your daily environment—the energy, attitudes, values, and behaviors you’re immersed in—shapes you in ways you may not even notice.
And just as you absorb from the people around you, they also absorb from you.
Who’s In Your Five?
Take a moment. Picture the five people you spend the most time with.
Not just family or partners—consider coworkers, friends, roommates, even people you interact with online.
Now ask:
Do they encourage your growth or drain your energy?
Do they challenge you in healthy ways, or reinforce unhealthy patterns?
Are they emotionally safe people to share space with?
This isn’t about judging others or cutting people off at the first sign of conflict. It’s about choosing to surround yourself with people who support the version of yourself you’re working to become.
Relationships Are Mirrors
In therapy, we often explore how our relationships reflect back our internal narratives—our self-worth, boundaries, attachment styles, and values. When you’re surrounded by people who consistently model emotional maturity, accountability, and kindness, it’s easier to believe you’re worthy of the same.
On the flip side, if your inner circle reinforces criticism, cynicism, or chaos, those qualities can become part of your own internal world too—sometimes without realizing it.
How to Curate Your Five (With Compassion)
You don’t have to cut ties or issue declarations. But you can begin to:
Notice energy exchanges. How do you feel after time with certain people—more grounded or more anxious?
Set boundaries. You’re allowed to choose how much time and energy you invest in different relationships.
Seek reciprocity. Healthy relationships involve mutual growth and care—not one-sided emotional labor.
Invite in people who inspire you. This could be through support groups, therapy, new friendships, or creative communities.
Be a healthy part of someone else’s five. Show up with integrity, compassion, and accountability.
Therapy Can Help You Clarify Your Circle
For many people, exploring the “Power of Five” brings up grief, guilt, or confusion. Family dynamics, trauma, and attachment wounds can complicate how we experience closeness and connection.
Therapy offers a space to unpack those complexities with support. Together, we can work toward helping you build a circle that lifts you up—and helps you stay rooted in the life you’re creating.
Because healing isn’t just about what’s happening inside of you. It’s also about who’s walking alongside you.
