The Anchor of Routine: Why Structure Helps Us Survive and Grow Through Change
This morning, as I dropped my two-year-old off at daycare, she looked at me, asked for a hug, and then waved me off with a simple “bye.” It wasn’t dismissive—it was intentional. Like she was saying, “Dad, I need this moment with you so I can move on with my day.”
It caught me off guard. Sweet and small as it was, that moment felt profound. She wasn’t clinging. She was acknowledging what she needed to close one chapter of her morning and step confidently into the next. That tiny ritual—a hug, a kiss, a wave goodbye—was her routine. Her way of staying grounded while the rest of her day unfolded.
And it reminded me just how powerful routines are, especially when we’re trying to navigate change.
Routine Is the Ultimate Contingency Plan
Whether I’m working with clients who are making major life transitions—leaving a job, recovering from substance use, moving through grief—or reflecting on my own chapters of change, one truth keeps surfacing:
When everything feels uncertain, routine can be our lifeline.
When I decided to quit drinking and become more intentional about my health and wellness, I had to become fiercely loyal to routine. It wasn’t glamorous. It meant setting alarms, blocking out quiet time, eating on a schedule, and sleeping with intention. But it gave shape to the fog. It created a rhythm that helped me build new habits—not because they came easy, but because I had a structure to fall back on when motivation was gone.
As author James Clear says in Atomic Habits:
“You do not rise to the level of your goals. You fall to the level of your systems.”
Routine is the system. It’s the net that catches us when change gets messy.
Routine Grounds Us in What Matters
Routine isn’t rigidity. It’s rhythm. It’s something we create to support the parts of us that are still figuring things out.
It’s the hug and goodbye at daycare.
It’s the morning coffee and reading the news.
It’s walking the dog at the end of the workday.
It’s brushing your teeth before you get too tired to care.
It’s choosing to give yourself structure not to limit yourself—but to protect your energy, reduce decision fatigue, and return to something that feels safe and steady.
Change Without Routine Feels Like Chaos
When you’re trying to heal, grow, or rebuild something, inconsistency can feel overwhelming. You don’t know what’s coming, and that uncertainty can feed anxiety, hopelessness, or relapse into old patterns.
That’s why routine is so powerful. It’s the contingency plan. It says, “Even when I feel overwhelmed, I know what I do next.”
And when we teach our kids this—like my daughter who’s already developing her own micro-routines—we’re modeling how to care for ourselves while navigating a world that won’t always offer us stability.
A Simple Ask
If you’re going through something hard right now, ask yourself:
What one thing can I do at the same time each day?
What routine would help me feel grounded, not pressured?
What can I release from my schedule to make room for what really helps?
Let your routine support you—not control you.
Final Thoughts
Whether you’re a parent, a person in recovery, or just someone trying to show up a little more intentionally—remember this: Routine is a quiet act of self-respect. It doesn’t have to be perfect or impressive. It just has to be yours.
