Boundaries Are Not Walls: How to Protect the Life You’re Building
When we talk about building the life we want, we often focus on goals, habits, or healing—but we can’t ignore what protects that progress: boundaries.
Boundaries are a way of saying, “This is what’s okay with me, and this is what’s not.” They’re not walls to shut people out—they’re frameworks to protect what matters. And when done thoughtfully, boundaries make our relationships stronger, not weaker.
Let’s start by busting a few common myths:
Myth: Setting boundaries means I don’t care about others.
Truth: Setting boundaries is caring—about yourself and your relationships.
Myth: Boundaries are about changing someone else’s behavior.
Truth: Boundaries are about what you will do to take care of yourself.
Myth: If someone gets upset, I’ve done something wrong.
Truth: Discomfort doesn’t mean you were wrong. Growth is often uncomfortable.
Myth: Boundaries need to be harsh or final.
Truth: Boundaries can be kind, flexible, and still firm.
So what does this look like in real life?
With children:
Instead of trying to control their every move, we offer boundaries like, “I’m available to help with homework between 5 and 6. After that, it’s time for me to rest.” It models self-respect and teaches them how to set boundaries themselves.
With partners:
Healthy relationships thrive when each person has room to be their full self. That means being able to say things like, “I’m not in the headspace to talk about this right now, but I do want to come back to it later.”
With friends:
Friendship doesn’t mean unlimited access. You can love someone and still say, “I can’t take a call tonight, but I’d love to catch up later this week.”
With strangers or acquaintances:
Even in quick encounters, your time and energy matter. Whether it’s a neighbor dropping by unannounced or someone pushing for information you don’t want to share, boundaries can be as simple as: “Now isn’t a good time” or “I’m not comfortable talking about that.”
Ultimately, boundary setting isn’t about pushing others away—it’s about drawing closer to the life you want to live. It’s a skill worth practicing, and it gets easier the more you do it.
