All Aboard the Validation Station: Why Listening to Validate Matters More Than Listening to Fix
When someone we care about is struggling, it’s natural to want to jump in with solutions. After all, if we can fix the problem, we can take away their stress—right?
Not always.
Here’s the catch: when we listen with the primary goal of problem-solving, we might be sending the unintended message that we believe they can’t figure it out themselves. That can feel dismissive, even invalidating. And while there’s a time and place for solutions, jumping there too quickly can shut down real connection.
The truth is, most people—partners, friends, kids—aren’t always looking for us to fix something. They’re looking for us to hear them.
All Aboard the Validation Station
That’s where my favorite reminder comes in: “Purchase a ticket to Validation Station.”
It’s a lighthearted way to remember that listening is about stepping into the other person’s world—not rerouting their train. You’re joining them for the ride, not taking over the controls.
At the Validation Station, we focus on empathy before advice. Here’s how you can “buy your ticket”:
Reflect the emotion: “It sounds like you felt really overlooked in that meeting.”
Acknowledge the effort: “You’ve been putting a lot of energy into making this work.”
Notice the physical impact: “I can tell this still brings up tension just talking about it.”
These reflections are small but powerful. They tell the other person, I see you. I hear you. What you’re feeling matters.
Why This Works
Validation doesn’t mean you agree with everything the other person says or feels—it simply means you understand where they’re coming from. And when someone feels truly understood, their guard comes down. They’re more open to problem-solving later because they’ve already felt respected and safe in the conversation.
In relationships—whether romantic, family, or professional—this approach builds trust. It keeps conversations from turning into debates and transforms them into opportunities for connection.
Try This This Week
The next time someone comes to you with a frustration, resist the urge to jump in with “Here’s what you should do.” Instead:
Take a deep breath.
Step onto their train of thought.
Offer a reflection before you offer a solution.
It’s amazing how much smoother the ride becomes when you’ve got your ticket to Validation Station.
